Zach Dotsey

Kentucky ended up beating UConn last night, 64-61.  All I’m going to say about it is that John Wall is a filthy, filthy beast.

I was planning on catching up with some work this evening.  Afterall, I had a meeting this afternoon then had to do some (mostly work-related) running around after that and it cut out a chunk of my day.  Not that it wasn’t productive, but I really need to get a move on with some things.

Anyhoo, as I said, that’s what I was planning on doing, but instead I ended up Facebook chatting with a (nearly) 24 year-old Irish cousin named Lucinda O’Shea.  Adam called me and told me about her and I called Dad to ask what the deal was but he said when he’d heard a few years ago he thought it was a joke.  She actually left a comment on here a couple days ago, but I had no idea who she was.

Like I said, Lucinda and I chatted for a while.  We talked about family, of course, and who is who.  She did a search on Facebook for “Dotsey” and was asking how different ones were related to us.  I told her about her uncles and aunt and which cousins belonged to which uncles.  She said she wished she’d been able to talk to Pap before he died.

Lucinda also told me a bit about her life.  We were talking about kids and she had been in labor with her son, Adam, for 48 hours before having a c-section.  Really makes Amanda’s champion-caliber 25.5 hours look minuscule.  (Okay, not minuscule, but still!)  She has 50 or so aunts, uncles and cousins on her mom’s family’s side and told me about them.  Amazing memory, to remember all those relatives!  The offspring of Baba and Pap number a paltry 21, and I thought we had a big family.

When she got off, Lucinda said it was, what, 3 or 4am there in Ireland.  She’d been up all night catching up with us.  She said she was crying looking at some of the family pictures.  She said she’ll be checking airfare rates to try to come to the US for a visit.  Really hope we get to meet her.

So, what else happened today?  It’s Amanda’s grandma’s birthday, so happy birthday to you, Peggy Lemons!

Milly continued the thing she’s doing where she’s really fussy unless she’s sleeping or being held.  That’s not entirely true- there was a time during which I had three work calls to take care of in quick succession and she was good during those.

I had a meeting with someone I think will be a very good client.  It’s always great to bring in new clients who are engaging and excited about their project.  It makes working with them that much more fun.

I talked to my oldest friend, Jason Revill, while I was driving around doing my errands.  Nothing big, just catching up.

Amanda’s definitely sick.  She’s a bit stuffy and worn down.  Hopefully that will pass soon without passing on to me or Milly.  I swear, it seems like it’s been a month or more since everyone in the house has been completely healthy.

I talked to Adam, Dad and Andra today about Christmas plans.  Adam was on IM (actually, he might have been yesterday) and Dad and Andra were on a conference call.  Our original plan, dating back to last year and reiterated about a month ago, was that we’d all get together the weekend of New Year’s, but it’s looking like it might be the day after Christmas.  We’d have a lot more time to spend in the Rouge if we went with the original plan.

I think that about covers the day today.  I can’t believe it’s almost Friday.

Zach Dotsey

At midnight last night I got an alert from my phone reminding me that it was Pap’s birthday.  It made me sad, reminding me that I wasn’t able to go to his funeral.  I wondered if Baba would be able to make a trip out to visit his grave.  I then also thought about how 84 years ago today, there must have been a big to-do in the Pennsylvania home of some Czech immigrants as my great-grandmother was preparing to deliver her final child.  I don’t know what it was like to have a baby in a coal mining town, but I imagine the household was buzzing.  And now there’s only one person alive who witnessed it.

That made me think of all the things that are a big deal in individual lives, how these things are really so small and common and ordinary in the grand scheme of things.  But instead of devaluing such events, it actually makes them so much more precious because they are these golden moments to the people who experience them, and they stay with them forever.

84 years after that shining, pinpoint of a moment in time, two very good friends of ours got to experience it for themselves.  Ben and Jessica Lambeth went to the hospital to induce labor.  After twelve hours, Graelyn still hadn’t appeared, so Jessica had to have a c-section.  She came out at 22.5 inches and 8.5 pounds.  When Ben called to tell us the great news, Amanda passed on some advice to Jessica for recovery: Take whatever drugs they give you.

So, you remember how we tried stopping Milly’s late night feeding cold turkey and it worked great the first night?  Yeah, last night wasn’t nearly as good.  I had to go tend to her around 1:30, then at least a couple times after that, and then Amanda got up for her once too.  Now, all that said, we didn’t feed her any of those times.  I changed her once I think (I was tired and it’s all a bit hazy) and Amanda may have too, I don’t know.  Other than that we’d just stick her sweetmaker back in her mouth, turn on the mobile and cover her back up with a blanket.

We stopped swaddling Milly, I don’t know, a week or two ago maybe, and now Amanda just lays the blanket over her.  She moves around a lot though, so I’ve taken to setting her on one side of the blanket and rolling her over, wrapping her up like a burrito.  The last couple nights I asked her, “Milly, are you ready to roll?”  She smiles, so I guess she enjoys it.

During one of last night’s wake ups though, she was still wrapped up pretty tight but she had one arm out and I think that was frustrating her, so I just loosened it up and she seemed happy.

Despite all the fussiness last night, she must not have been too hungry.  I woke up to hear Milly talking to herself at about 8:15 and she was happy to see me when I picked up her from her crib.  She didn’t start crying until I set her down so I could make her bottle.  Of course, she did gulp it down pretty fast.

Milly behaved pretty well today.  Amanda called and told me that the girls from work were all going out to lunch and asked if I minded her going too.  Since Milly was doing fine and I was getting work done I told her it was fine.  I got some leftover cheese ravioli from Elizabeth’s Pizza as a reward.  Man, that thing had some good cheese on it.  It was too tough to cut with the side of the fork I was using, so I ate the ravioli by itself then had the cheese with marinara by itself.  Oh man, I’m literally salivating right now thinking about how good it was.

I worked pretty late today, and I’ll probably do some more work once I’m done writing this.  I did stop at one point to walk with Amanda and Milly to the grocery store to buy some milk. We actually wore light jackets for the walk because it was a bit brisk.

After we got back Amanda watched last week’s season premiere of CSI on On Demand.  I glanced at it here and there.  The show started off with a cool scene.  The department was broken into and there was some fighting and gunslinging going on, but they took a 3-D freeze frame of all the action and moved the camera all around it.  Amanda pointed out how it was funny that they had Laurence Fishburne frozen kicking a guy, an obvious Matrix reference.

After I put the laptop down for a bit and we watched Heroes.  We’re watching that on On Demand now because How I Met Your Mother and House both come on at the same time as Heroes, but the other two shows aren’t on any On Demand stations and we can only record up to two shows at a time, and that’s only if the station is on one of them.

Zach Dotsey

Here are some messages left for Pap on a website that was linked to from his online obituary. This is sort of my way of making up for not being at the funeral. I’ll update it as more entries are added.

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Bernie,

I am very sorry to hear of your loss. Your family is in our thoughts and prayers.

Sincerely,

James Wilson,
Perrysburg, Ohio

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Jane and family,

I am so sorry for your loss. We have always kept you and Andy in our prayers. We will keep you in our daily thoughts and prayers.

Jim and Mary Leonard,
Lexington, Kentucky

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I can’t convey how much I’ve been agonizing over not being able to be in Lexington with everyone, but while everyone there will be celebrating a life that has passed, I hope to be celebrating the beginning of a new one. I love you all and wish I could be there.

Zach Dotsey,
Wilmington, North Carolina

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Jane and Family,

I am sorry for your loss. I wish that I could join you for the celebration of Andy’s life and contributions.

Linda Thomas,
Ft Mitchell, Kentucky

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Dear Jane, Tom, Jerry, Bernie, Therese and Steve,

It is with heavy heart that we send you our deepest sympathy. Remembering the good times helps to ease our pain for your loss. You all are in our prayers.

Bill, Marilyn, Jackie(Rieck) Vickie (Vergason) and Brad Peters

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Jane & family,

Frank & I are deeply saddened by Andy’s death. We both loved Andy very much and will always have fond memories of him and you, as well. You know the story of Andy questioning Frank when he was caught harvesting vegetables in MY garden space on the SEAS property in July 1982! It makes me smile just thinking about it!

I am in Austin TX, working, until Monday, June 15th, so will not be able to attend visitation or the funeral. Frank will probably do so. I will keep Andy, you, & the family in my prayers.

Love,

Mary Oliva,
Lexington, Kentucky

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Dear Jane, Tom, Jerry, Bernie, Terri and Steve,

On behalf of my Mom and Dad, Stan and Ruth and the rest of the Krebs family, Mike, Judy, Patty and Denise, we wish to extend our condolences to your family during this difficult time. We have very fond memories of Andy and the entire Dotsey family while you resided in northern Kentucky. There is not a New Years Eve celebration that goes by that my parents do not reminisce about those parties and the good times which were shared.

We will keep you in our thoughts and prayers.

Tom Krebs,
Ft. Thomas, Kentucky

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Dotsey Family,

We have kept Mr. Dotsey in our prayers for a while now and will continue to keep you all in our prayers. Mr. Dotsey was always smiling and we know he has the brightest smile now that he has gone home. Hold tight to your memories. Mr. Dotsey will be missed by many.

Kathy Whalen,
Lexington, Kentucky

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Dear Jane, Tom, Jerry, Bernie and Steve,

During this difficult time, I would like for each of you to know that my sincerest thoughts and prayers are with each of you.

Growing up Gainsway with Steve makes me remember all of the good friends and good times we had and still have on those few occassions we can come together. I treasure each time. Steve, it was good to hear from you under the circumstances my friend. Be strong and take care.

See you soon.

Pete Buchholtz,
Hope Mills, North Carolina

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Jane and family,

We are so sorry to hear about Andy. We were out of town at the time of his death and didn’t get home until this past week and only heard about it then. He is definitely in our prayers as well as you and your family.

Ralph & Joyce Hornback,
Lexington, Kentucky

Dear Milly,

You’re still not here.  I’m really hoping you come by tomorrow, or at least that you’re on your way by then.  I’ll be honest, part of it is that I don’t want to have missed your great-grandfather’s funeral, but of course I really just want you to get here and hold you in my arms.  I can’t wait for that.

Not a whole lot to write about for today.  I worked, your mom worked.  I had a lot of people ask if anything was happening with you yet.  Your Pap called to see how things were going.  He was hanging out on the porch at Baba and Pap’s (I realize all this Pap stuff might be a little confusing to you- that’s the grandfather name my dad chose for himself), which is where everyone sits and talks and hangs out when we’re in Lexington, and he said everyone was wondering what your status was.

Pap’s (or Grandpap, as we sometimes called him around your cousin, Jackson) viewing was this evening.  My distant cousin, Becky, posted a picture of him from her wedding a few years ago.  It captures his spirit just about perfectly.

The thought occurred to me that every time I call someone right about now, they’re going to wonder if there’s a baby yet.  I feel bad for your mom now- every time she called me from work the past couple days I either asked if her water had broke or if she was having contractions yet.

Your mom is a wonderful scrapbooker and she started on yours today.  She startded with the night we took the pregnancy test and went up to your first concert- The Old 97’s.

Speaking of your mom, her feet are pretty swollen, particularly her left one.  She took off her rings, too.  After we watched a little TV she went and took a bath.  She’s not big on baths, but they’ve been soothing for her lately and we’re planning on trying to get a delivery room with a bath.

Anyway, we’re just waiting on your arrival.  Get here soon, ‘kay?

Lovingly and expectantly,

Dad

DOTSEY Andrew, 83, husband of 56 years to Jewel Jane Harper Dotsey, died Tue, June 9, 2009 at the St. Joseph Hospice Care Center. Born in Lansford, PA, he was the son of the late Basil and Ann Mikita Dotsey. Mr. Dotsey was a World War II Navy veteran, a construction manager for Gainesway Farm where he had a most satisfying career and retired after being employed by other construction companies. He was a founding member and on the Steering Committee of St. Elizabeth Ann Seton Catholic Church. Survivors other than his wife include five children, Tom (Jamie), Jerry (Rhonda), Bernie (Lisa), Therese (Dallas) and Steve (Ramona); 17 grandchildren; 7 great grandchildren; and a brother, George (Julia) Dotsey, Morrisville, PA. Funeral services will be 10am Sat. at St. Elizabeth Ann Seton Catholic Church by Rev. John Moriarty and Rev. Will Fraenzle. Burial will follow in Blue Grass Memorial Gardens. Visitation will be 4-8pm Fri at Kerr Brothers Funeral Home, Harrodsburg Rd. Memorial contributions are suggested to Hospice of the Bluegrass, 2312 Alexandria Dr, Lex, KY 40504 or St. Elizabeth Ann Seton Catholic Church, 1750 Summerhill Dr, Lex, KY 40515.

Link
Guestbook

Nick and another staff member friend of mine were kind enough to treat me to lunch at Krazy’s today, which was really great of them.  I got a lot of e-mails and Facebook messages expressing condolences, even from as far away as Italy.

Today was a good day, which I count as a gift from God.  Not only was there an outpouring from friends and family, but it was also just a very pretty day here (though it rained in Kentucky).  On top of that there were a couple situations at work that I thought would be complicated that turned out not to be.  It was overall just a nice day, which helped my mind.

While I was out and about I picked up Rhett Miller’s new self-titled solo album.  I have yet to be able to give it a good, thorough listening-to.

After work Amanda and I went to our last birthing class, which was held at the hospital so we could have a tour of it.  Most of it, as many friends as we’ve had who had babies recently, we’d already seen.  There was also a discussion about labor and what goes on after it, which sounded scarier to me than the delivery itself.

Before the tour, Christy Little, who hadn’t seen us yet, was talking to another couple about being tired of waiting at five and six weeks.  That’s when I spoke up and said we were three days late, which won us a No-Prize.

Amanda had called me while I was at lunch to let me know of a development.  It wasn’t a contraction or anything like that, but I think it is a definite step in the right direction, though every pregnancy is different and things happen at different times for different women.  It’s something that neither Amanda nor I knew abou concerning pregnancy and the name o fit is kind of gross, especially since it’s apparently grosser in fact than what I even imagined it to be, so I won’t say what it was.  The point, though, is that it’s happened and the baby has dropped some and things seem to be happening.  Amanda said before she went to bed that she thinks it’s going to be soon.s

Jason Revill thinks so, too.  He told me today he thinks Amanda will be in labor within 24 hours.  In fact he’s leaning towards before sunrise and feels sometime between 3-4:00 this morning.  Then again, he also said Amanda would have a black baby, so we’ll see how accurate his predictions will be.

On the subject of Milly, Amanda and I have been discussing tweaking her name.  We’d still call her Milly of course, but the full name we’ve been going with is Melia Mae (though I think May looks better) Dotsey.  Amanda is afraid people will pronounce it Muh-lee-uh instead of Mee-lee-uh (Amelia without the A).  So we’re considering Omelia.  She also likes the idea of adding Leigh (Amanda’s middle name before she got married) to Mae to make it Maeleigh.  It’s an odd looking name typed out, to me, and at first I didn’t like it, but then I realized I was putting the emphasis on the Leigh part, when it should be pronounced like it rhymes with Hayley.

I just looked up Omelia on a baby name website and it didn’t find it, although Amanda has seen it before as an alternative for Amelia.  The fact that it’s so rare makes me like it more.  Maeleigh, in various spellings, isn’t there either.  I think I like Omelia Maeleigh better than Melia Maeliegh, as the second put too much emphasis on the M sounds and sounds to me like a character in a kids’ book.  Omelia Maeleigh Dotsey.  Maeleigh Omelia Dotsey.  Hmm.  I kind of like that second one, but if her first name was Maeligh and we called her Milly it might be pretty confusing.  Dangit, why did Amanda have to bring so many ideas in this late in the game?

The one thing we know is that we’re calling her Milly, so that’s that at least.

My phone flashed with a phone call for a split second a little bit ago.  It was my dad, who had driven up to Cincinnatti to pick up Uncle Tom and Parker, my cousin.  Uncle Bernie was with them.  I called him right back and he said he had started to call but then thought it might be too late.  He just wanted to see how things were going and whether there was any new news.

Speaking of parents, Amanda talked to Karen tonight.  She said she saw a fawn born in the yard and was going to take a picture but the battery was dead.  For some reason she never got around to charging the battery, even though she had all day apparently to do it.  Of course, my thought was that she should have had it charged for the baby already anyway!  But it was really cool- she got to see the fawn stand up for the first time.

Aunt Robbie had called to see how I was doing with the Pap situation and all.  She said she wasn’t able to go to the funeral either, although she acknowledged that my situation is a bit tougher than hers.  I talked with her about the name (Melia being her middle name) and in the course of that she told me that I had almost been named Brandon.  I asked Dad about that when I talked to him and he said Brandon had been a passing idea, but I was nearly an Ian.

I suppose I should go to bed in case I need to get up between 3-4:00.

Zach Dotsey

I wasn’t sure if I wanted to go to small group last night, but I did and I’m glad I did.  It helped me a lot.  I didn’t bring up the issue of Pap having just died because there was a new couple there and I wanted us to focus on getting to know them, but Mike and Sarah Nowak had already heard and I did talk it out some with Mike.

Amanda’s been great, of course.  We walked to the grocery store yesterday evening and I mostly just stewed in silence, but she was there for me.  While at the store I was finally able to muster up, “I don’t like missing the funeral.”  She said, “I know,” and gave me a kiss.  That was perfect.  It was no more and no less than what the exchange should have been.

At first I was upset with myself for not feeling more than I felt.  Amanda told me I shouldn’t feel bad about that, and since I’ve had some time for it to sink in, I don’t feel so little anymore.  Part of it was that we’ve known it’s been coming.  I mean, we’ve known it could happen soon for a long time, but more recently, in the past few weeks, we’ve known that my grandfather’s death was imminent.

I talked to two-thirds of my siblings (Adam and Erin) to see how they were doing.  I didn’t call Andra because she was calling Erin when I was talking to her.  I think they’re all planning on flying in to Lexington on Friday, which is when the viewing is, sticking around for the funeral on Saturday, then variously flying back to RDU or riding with Mom and Dad.  Mom’s flying up Friday then definitely riding back with Dad.

And now we get to the hardest part in all this for me.  I’ve got all kinds of feelings and emotions about it, so I’m just going to lay it all out.

There are a few things that keep going through my mind.  I picture Pap waving the way he always did.  I’m a little jealous of my nephew, Jackson, in that, while he’s probably too young to remember much about Pap, he’s at least got pictures with him and he receiving blessings from Pap, and Milly will have missed that opportunity by such a slim margin.  Of course, Addison, Jackson’s sister, missed out on meeting him too.

We would usually play Uno when we went to Kentucky, and, though I don’t think he did it last time we were there, when Pap would change the color to blue, he would sing Am I Blue as he’d lay down his card.  He would always accuse winners of cheating, too, then go and cheat himself.  Amanda’s convinced he actually thought she’d cheat.

But what I’m thinking about the most is that I’m the first grandchild (Pap always called me “Numero Uno”) and I won’t be able to go to the funeral.  I assume I’d have been a pall bearer, just as I was for Mum Mum and Pup Pup, and, when the time comes, likely will be for Baba.  So I won’t be able to pay this respect to Pap.  And I know he’d understand and would probably tell me I’m doing the right thing staying in North Carolina for the birth of my first child, but it’s still hard.

I struggled with the decision a couple weeks ago when my dad first told me that Pap didn’t have much time, but between searching myself and getting council (most greatly from my parents), I made the decision.  Facing the hypothetical situation is very different from facing the reality though, and it’s eating me up.  I wouldn’t miss Milly’s birth for anything, and this proves it, but that doesn’t mean it’s not tough.

I really hope she’s born by Saturday.

You know what, I’m not even sure I fully mean that.  If she’s born between today and tomorrow (which I’m not thinking it very likely) everyone in my family except my dad could conceivable be here.  If she’s born Sunday or later I’m going to be even more upset that I didn’t go to Kentucky, but at least my whole family could be here.

I should expand on the part about being more upset about not going to Kentucky if Milly’s not here over the weekend.  I know that nobody knows for sure when she’s coming and I know I can’t take a chance that she might not get here this weekend.

I just hate the fact that the entirety of the Pap’s line will be there, even Tom and Jamie and their kids from Washington State, but I won’t be, plus there will probably be distant cousins, great-aunts and -uncles, everyone but me.  They’ll be talking about Pap and sharing stories and memories.

I know nobody’s going to think anything bad of me for it, I’m not worried about that.  Dad told me that Baba said she completely understands and that I’m doing what I should be doing, and if anybody feels different then that’s their problem.

I just got off the phone with my mom, and she said that in her mind there’s not even an option.  She said going through the birth and being there when Milly comes, that’s my family and that’s when the family bond is formed.  Thanks for that, Mom.  You’re good at making me feel better about this.

At the same time, she said that she feels bad about not being there for the birth of her granddaughter and would love for Milly to wait until everyone got back to North Carolina.  She asked me to say something to make her not feel bad, and so I told her what I told my dad- that they’d have the rest of their lives to know her and just this one chance to see Pap off.

When I talked to her, my mom gave me a little more detail about Pap’s passing.  She said that Baba, Dad and Uncle Steve were there with him.  The nurses came in to turn him, and when they left Dad noticed that his breathing was different, more of a gurgle, and that was pretty much it, so he went peacefully.  I asked if Pap had been cognizant since Dad had gotten there and she said he hadn’t woken up and said anything when he was there.  The last thing she knew of was over the weekend when he woke up and said he’d really like an apple.

Mom told me yesterday to focus on the positive.  By that I’m pretty sure she meant that I shouldn’t be thinking about how crappy I feel about not being around to see off my grandfather, but I should concntrate on how happy and excited I’ll be when Milly arrives.  That’s good advice, and I think once the time gets here that’ll automatically take over.

Speaking of that, Amanda had a baby doctor appointment this morning.  The doctor said everything was looking fine and Amanda’s now two centimeters dilated.  They set up another appointment for next week just in case, but he said he really doubted she’d make it to that one.  If she does they’ll do an ultrasound and start talking about inducing, so I’d go to that one.

Nick Warkentien texted me a few minutes ago and asked if I’d like to get lunch.  That’ll be nice.  I’ll probably do that while I’m out picking up my check.  (It’s payday.)

Well, enough rambling on with my thoughts and feelings this morning.  I’ve gotten condolences from a lot of people, and I sincerely appreciate everyone whose thoughts and prayers are with me and my family right now.

Zach Dotsey